Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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