Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
