I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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