I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize