I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
