He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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