Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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