I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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