My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
