I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
