Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
