normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
