She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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