I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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