how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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