Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
