my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
