she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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