dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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