You're my little dorito
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
