Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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