Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
