i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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