If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
