Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
