Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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