she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
