i think i have two assholes
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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