bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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