This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
