I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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