he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
