Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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