Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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