Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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