Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
