all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
