my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
