Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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