In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
