Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
