I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
