somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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