she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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