jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Vodka?
Forever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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