Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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