every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
