Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
