Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
