It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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