Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
