We should be called the Road Head Warriors
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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