I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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