how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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