I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
