i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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