I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
