The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
