you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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