i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I love having hate sex.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize