He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
