I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
