so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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