my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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