Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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