I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
