he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
