she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
