i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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