Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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