Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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