well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
