Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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