she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
