I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
