I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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