My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
