Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
