Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize