you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
