You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
