Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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