I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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