where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
