it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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