this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
