The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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