Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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