Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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