WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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