She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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