i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
