I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
