GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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