Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
