We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize