9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
