It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
